I think that maybe I've gone from one extreme to the other. I used to care entirely too much what others thought of every single thing I did, searching for approval in the heart of any soul who would offer it. Now, I don't give a rip about what anyone thinks. Yet, I'm starting to think that perhaps I'm out of balance. Or am I? I don't know.
The thing is ... every time someone tries to give me advice on being a Christian or tell me what a real Christian looks like, I immediately shut down. I imagine I'm Charlie Brown sitting in a class listening to Ma'am go "wah wah wah wah!" I just don't want to hear it.
But, today a very intimidating thought occurred to me: when I graduate with my Bachelor's in Theology I will technically be a minister, a licensed minister. Me being in ministry on some level comes as no surprise. It's something that has been foreseen by myself and others since I was a child. So, in actuality, that is not the issue.
The issue is this (how do I put this delicately?); I don't want to be to be a part of the kind of ministry I grew up on. I don't want to be the kind of minister I grew up listening to. Please understand me when I write that I am in no way, shape, form or fashion implying that I am more enlightened than those who have taught me. I am saying that the humanly flawed but mostly well-meaning teachings and guidance of church leaders from my past confused me to the point that I considered walking away from God altogether. But, before I took one step, I had a divinely inspired revelation: God is not people! No matter how well-meaning people are, they are not the final word. God is!
I just get so tired of all the corny Christian catch-phrases, the people who are so heavenly minded that they are no earthly good and the twisted and preachy sermons that remind me more of fire and brimstone than love and grace. I have had it with books, sermons, teachings, etc. that seem to stroke egos than teach true intimacy and relationship with God.
I don't want to be that kind of minister. Ministers like that make me throw up in my mouth a little bit. Seriously.
So, what triggered these thoughts?
Recently, someone
told me that when in ministry, I'm going to have to cover up my tattoo(s) because some people have issues with tattoos. I laughed and said, "Doubt it!" Nevermind, that the tattoo on my wrist is of my favorite Scripture in the Bible, if something as insignificant as a tattoo can deter you from your relationship with God then you've got bigger problems than me and the inscription on my left wrist, honey!
And, its really not about the tattoo. Its about the fact that the current generation really isn't trying to hear all of the "religious theatrics" that I grew up on. This generation is one that is lost and desperately seeking relationship not twelve keys to becoming better at masking their issues, five steps to figuring out why their "God in a Box" isn't working for them or eleventy-umpteen principles to apply to their lives so that God will love them more. All that does is breed guilt and even contempt (or maybe I'm just speaking for myself on that one?).
A relationship with God is not about rules and regulations. Its about exactly what it is ... relationship. Sure, one's belief in God should be evident but keep the sermons that do nothing but make me feel inadequate and give me the guidance I need to make God's presence in my life evident because of the intimacy and closeness that I share with Him! I can do without all the extras and add-ons.
The thing is ... every time someone tries to give me advice on being a Christian or tell me what a real Christian looks like, I immediately shut down. I imagine I'm Charlie Brown sitting in a class listening to Ma'am go "wah wah wah wah!" I just don't want to hear it.
But, today a very intimidating thought occurred to me: when I graduate with my Bachelor's in Theology I will technically be a minister, a licensed minister. Me being in ministry on some level comes as no surprise. It's something that has been foreseen by myself and others since I was a child. So, in actuality, that is not the issue.
The issue is this (how do I put this delicately?); I don't want to be to be a part of the kind of ministry I grew up on. I don't want to be the kind of minister I grew up listening to. Please understand me when I write that I am in no way, shape, form or fashion implying that I am more enlightened than those who have taught me. I am saying that the humanly flawed but mostly well-meaning teachings and guidance of church leaders from my past confused me to the point that I considered walking away from God altogether. But, before I took one step, I had a divinely inspired revelation: God is not people! No matter how well-meaning people are, they are not the final word. God is!
I just get so tired of all the corny Christian catch-phrases, the people who are so heavenly minded that they are no earthly good and the twisted and preachy sermons that remind me more of fire and brimstone than love and grace. I have had it with books, sermons, teachings, etc. that seem to stroke egos than teach true intimacy and relationship with God.
I don't want to be that kind of minister. Ministers like that make me throw up in my mouth a little bit. Seriously.
So, what triggered these thoughts?
Recently, someone
told me that when in ministry, I'm going to have to cover up my tattoo(s) because some people have issues with tattoos. I laughed and said, "Doubt it!" Nevermind, that the tattoo on my wrist is of my favorite Scripture in the Bible, if something as insignificant as a tattoo can deter you from your relationship with God then you've got bigger problems than me and the inscription on my left wrist, honey!And, its really not about the tattoo. Its about the fact that the current generation really isn't trying to hear all of the "religious theatrics" that I grew up on. This generation is one that is lost and desperately seeking relationship not twelve keys to becoming better at masking their issues, five steps to figuring out why their "God in a Box" isn't working for them or eleventy-umpteen principles to apply to their lives so that God will love them more. All that does is breed guilt and even contempt (or maybe I'm just speaking for myself on that one?).
A relationship with God is not about rules and regulations. Its about exactly what it is ... relationship. Sure, one's belief in God should be evident but keep the sermons that do nothing but make me feel inadequate and give me the guidance I need to make God's presence in my life evident because of the intimacy and closeness that I share with Him! I can do without all the extras and add-ons.
So, forgive me if my "behavior" illustrates a certain disdain for anything that resembles the "extras and add-ons minus the intimacy!" I'm sorry if I throw up in my mouth a little bit when someone starts shooting off at the mouth about stuff that is completely contradictory to the nature of God. I'm just fed up. I mean no harm but you are free to miss me with that foolishness. I've had enough. And no ... I don't care what you think about that.
*shrugs*
No comments:
Post a Comment